Jaffa trenutak - Danica Moravčević: "Nisi sama"

Vratile smo se sa punkcije štitne žlezde, i sve što sam imala od informacija u tom momentu bilo je da ultrazvuk pokazuje sumnju na malignitet i metastaze, ali isto tako da se ne zna koji je tip karcinoma u pitanju.

Sedele smo u restoranu i ja sam prvi put bez stida plakala u javnosti. Plakala sam onako kako je trebalo kada sam izgubila tatu.

Plakala sam onako kako nisam mogla kada sam izgubila mamu. Plakala sam satima, s malim pauzama, suze su slivale niz lice i nisam mogla da dođem do daha, a kuma me je držala za ruku i nije me puštala.

Govorila je “Nisi sama. Nisi sama.”

Kao neko ko je navikao da sve sam radi i brine sam o svemu, i kao paradoks svega, u tom trenutku sam prvi put osetila da zaista sama nisam, iako sama moram da prođem kroz ono što me čeka.

Pet dana kasnije rezultati su stigli i suočila sam se sa strahom i s nadom – od najgoreg scenarija je najmanje zlo, ali sam isto tako čula i doktora kako govori “Morate što pre uraditi sve analize. Svakako ćete biti prioritet za operaciju i, molim Vas… shvatite ovo ozbiljno, u redu?”

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ad.plus, 352349, DIRECT
indexexchange.com, 194273, DIRECT, 50b1c356f2c5c8fc
media.net, 8CU5DERG1, DIRECT
pubmatic.com, 160907, DIRECT, 5d62403b186f2ace
rhythmone.com, 895733750, DIRECT, a670c89d4a324e47
google.com, pub-4573231550355221, RESELLER, f08c47fec0942fa0
richaudience.com, lDF5XleM05, DIRECT
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openx.com, 538959099, RESELLER, 6a698e2ec38604c6
pubmatic.com, 137711, RESELLER, 5d62403b186f2ace
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triplelift.com, 12336-EB, DIRECT, 6c33edb13117fd86
vidoomy.com, 1657087, DIRECT
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adform.com, 2742, RESELLER               
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tremorhub.com, 4cywq-a04wk, RESELLER, 1a4e959a1b50034a
yieldmo.com, 2731991718797714293, DIRECT
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Znate onaj osećaj kada hodate ulicom i slučajno se sapletete o nešto, poletite da padnete, ali se ipak zaustavite i pomislite “Uh, za malo” ? E, tako sam se ja osećala kada su mi saopštene vesti.

Ta anksioznost između padanja i zaustavljanja koja nije trajala nekoliko sekundi, već nedeljama.

U roku od dve nedelje odjednom su svi znali da imam karcinom štitne žlezde. Tu zapravo počinje ono čega za svojih 29 godina nisam nikada do kraja svesna bila – da sam voljena i prihvaćena, da imam mnogo, ma pregršt divnih ljudi koji mi žele dobro i koji su tu da mi olakšaju putovanje.

Moje putovanje i dalje traje, i, iako želim da podelim borbu koja se odvijala i koja se i dalje odvija u mojoj glavi, kao i promene koje sam rešila da donesem (a uvek to tako ide, zar ne? Nešto mora da nam se desi da bismo povukli ručnu i stali i počeli opet da dišemo iz stomaka), ipak je ovaj tekst posvećen tim čarobnim ljudima koji su mi olakšali život i pokazali koliko i u najmračnijim okolnostima kada ne vidiš svetlo i kada ne možeš da dotakneš dno, a daleko si i od površine, je ipak univerzum prijateljsko mesto.

To su ljudi koji su odvojili svoje vreme, novac i energiju da mi se nađu. To su ljudi koji su se svim silama trudili da mi bude bolje, da budem zbrinuta, negovana, da mi ništa ne fali.

Doktor koji mi je bio posvećen od prvog pregleda, koji je uključio tim drugih lekara i hirurga, koji je bio svakodnevno predan mom ozdravljenju i onda kada su nastale komplikacije nakon operacije – doktor koji je zapravo prvi Lekar koga sam upoznala i bez čije stručnosti i energije bi sve teže bilo.

Kuma koja me je od prvog momenta tešila, brisala suze i učila da je vreme da pustim ljude da mi pomognu.

Prijateljica koja je rešila da se preseli kod mene dok se oluja ne stiša;

Druga prijateljica koja me je vozila skoro svaki dan nakon operacije na Institut za Onkologiju;

Kolege i prijatelji koji su se samoinicijativno organizovali da mi pruže pored emocionalne i tehničke i materijalnu podršku;

Moji ljudi koji su me kupali, sređivali stan, šetali psa tri puta dnevno, spremali hranu, voleli i govorili da ne odustajem kada sam mislila da ne mogu više.

Dalji i bliži poznanici koji su se borili da mi se nađe lek, da mi organizuju svu neophodnu tehničku podršku kako bi ceo proces koliko toliko lakše prošao.

To su ljudi, moji ljudi koji su mi dali ono što mi je već po rođenju oduzeto bilo – osećaj da sam sigurna, zbrinuta, da nisam sama i da ne moram sama ništa više, da nisam ostavljena onda kada je najteže i da imam podršku.

To su ljudi koji su me svojom požrtvovanošću uverili da ću biti dobro, ma koliko neprijatno bilo, koji su mi dali nadu kada je nisam videla, koji su bili moja snaga kada snage nije bilo, koji su me držali za ruku i govorili da sam heroj i kada se kao heroj nisam osećala.

Kada nisam videla svetlo, kada ni lekari nisu znali koliko će dugo komplikacije trajati, ljudi oko mene su mi poklonili po parče svog univerzuma i tako zakrpili moj univerzum koji je bio na ivici raspadanja.

U momentima kada nisam mogla da ustanem iz kreveta i kada su minuti trajali kao godine, u trenucima kada sam pomišljala na najgore, odjednom sam videla to zrnce nade i shvatila da je najlepše na svetu imati prave ljude oko sebe jer bez njih sve ima manje smisla.

I da najvrednije stvari su ono što stvari nisu –

ljudski kontakt, dodir, nežnost, Kako si, Tu sam za tebe, Šta mogu da uradim da ti bude bolje, Cimni me i dolazim odmah u bilo koje doba dana i noći.

I jedna jednostavna, a moćna rečenica “Zajedno smo u ovome, nisi sama.”

Najgori trenuci nisu tako najgori onda kada dozvoliš ljudima da budu tu za tebe.

Kada shvatiš da iako postoje delovi puta koje, ma koliko mučni bili – moraš sam da pređeš, važno je da ne zaboraviš koliko si ipak srećan što nisi sam i što imaš jednu veliku porodicu, onu koju si baš ti izabrao za sebe i koja te čeka na sledećoj raskrsnici da nastavite dalje zajedno, gde god te život odveo.

Konkurs organizuje Lola magazin i Jaffa napolitanke.